Your Marriage Promised Much…You Started out Happy and Hopeful. So, What Happened?
Was It Defective From the Beginning or Did Something Go Wrong?
Can Happiness Be Gained or Restored?
If the Relationship Itself is Worth a Try, READ ON!
Why embrace endless emotional pain? Why try plan after plan that fail to work? If your needs are not met and repeated promises are not kept, it’s gone on too long.
“Something” has to be done, and soon. This you know; and you know from experience that you cannot do it alone. Sympathetic ears and understanding friends are great, but none seem to have workable answers. Their best efforts do not solve your unique situation…a good relationship going south. Success to solve may well require professional assistance with methods that are tried and tested. Yes…by techniques that are non-judgmental and effective.
Your Life and Happiness are too precious to waste, and time is of the essence.
Ask yourself: Am I constantly being emotionally deprived, though married? Is abandonment, rejection, subjugation of your choices needs and preferences, or failure in relationships, a recurring past pattern? Are life-needs being left unsatisfied, is any valued relationship out of balance? If “Yes”, then check out Schema Therapy and help is on the way.
Do you think: Why do I feel I have never gotten the secure love, the unconditional understanding, heart-listening validation of my needs and feelings after years of an ostensibly acceptable relationship? Is this a fixed pattern that can never improve? If so, should I just give up and surrender with “unattainable” expectations? Happy relationship is your right, and like every right it has to be grasped to not be lost. Research shows that high expectations in marriage tend to yield better results; it's an equation of getting what you expect.
Face these basic facts: No one can understand your inner gaps and needs better than yourself. With help you have an opportunity to become aware of them and discover alternative healthy behaviors to fill the gaps and fulfill your needs. No one else can do that for you. Become your own best friend and do yourself a favor.
If you feel life is trapping you, start there. Schema Therapy deals directly with that. Discover whether Emotional Deprivation, Abandonment, Rejection, Unrelenting Standards, Subjugation, or any one or more of 18 un-dealt-with, unwarranted and unsuspected Schemas (emotional viruses) have eaten into your inner person. These are what thwart personal balance and your repeated effort to effect happiness and satisfying relationships. They are identified as being “destructive inner patterns that accumulate through the years and stifle growth”.
When connected to unmet needs, both in the past and at present, such unhealthy patterns keep persons stuck. Mere passage of time or a deliberate variation in companionship does not automatically remove their negative effects. The unhealthy patterns themselves have to be identified and challenged. Only then can a liberated and self-actuating person emerge. The goal is for the healthy person you always hoped to be, the one you know you can be, to be free at last! “Virus-free” you have an opportunity to write your own new-life page.
Schema Therapy and cooperation with a competent therapist, one expert enough to identify your negative patterns, can help you re-manage and unscramble your causes of discontent. Together we can work to reverse your present unhealthy self-image and resolve clashes between schemas in your current partner-relationship. As each partner learns to correct their own schema patterns, the relationship frequently gets on track, improves and becomes manageable.
Goal-directed Schema-Therapy is a program specifically designed to break long-standing Couples’ relationship-Clashes… not to say, many other unresolved situations that disturb relational life and lead to chronic discontent and worse.
THE PROCESS
In order to professionally identify his or her relative schemas, initially Couples’ Therapy requires a detailed and systematic gathering of pertinent information from each individual client. Each person’s separate past history needs unraveling, since that harbors symptoms that lead to a comprehensive conceptualization of why the clash. Such information can reveal learned or unintended attitudes and differences, and even specific unmet needs and expectations that influence or create clash-prone areas and personality misunderstandings.
Together we move toward understanding your own and your partner’s conceptualization of schema patterns, coping mechanisms and long-standing unmet needs. Gentle coaching, guidance and client-cooperation help break past unhealthy patterns and induce healthy and mutual antidotal replacements. This process allies one partner with the other in new and more positive ways.
Ponder the points above carefully and decide for yourself. Your life is in your hands. This can be the “something” you need to do for yourself. Schema Therapy has helped many others in similar circumstances. In any case: Be your own best friend by NEVER GIVING UP & NEVER GIVING IN TO HOPELESSNESS! Your life is your most precious possession, the only one you have complete control of. So make it happier.
Be aware this therapy is totally non-judgmental; it accepts reality and sets an immediate foundation for improvement. Its direct goals are: filling and correcting gaps, and fulfilling human needs. It may improve one’s inner-self, personality, outlook on life, relational attitudes, and may well serve to rescue a struggling marriage…even when the partner hesitates, resists, or is in denial. “Ain’t nobody happy if mom ain’t happy” can be translated to: “Everybody gets happier and marriages get better when mom gets life needs satisfied”. This is the axiom: Get needs filled or relationship is killed. By the way, dad can do it too! There are many men I have seen individually to help with their marriages when the wife is too closed off to want to come in. And yes, there can be remarkable changes even when only one partner takes things in hand. Just think for a moment, if you change, aren’t the dynamics of the relationship by that very fact, going to be different?!
Want more explanation? …READ ON…
Your spouse won’t break his/her patterns? It’s not hopeless… one person healed is better than none. Ask yourself if your happiness is worth it…. Also, becoming un-trapped. The fact is, your improvement and healthy re-personalizing can be contagious. Your “other” was attracted to you before, and you may well have the power to win him/her over again. Do not underestimate this potential. To restore the times when you were better together, you may have to put his/her feet to the fire. They surely will get warm and may well stay that way.
Learn how sex does and does not play into the entire marital confusion. Committing to therapy does NOT mean you are going to be forced into anything where you feel you are being objectified or used.
Go beyond just being listened to: Learn Relationship Tools for Marriage and more!
I offer gentle coaching with clear goals. Your goals help you know where you are at in the process, as well as how to get where you want to be headed. Learn to renew a drifting marriage and take steps to heal your hurts no matter how deep. |
